Natashia Project 1: Draft 2 Feedback

natashiaThe main changes I made between this and my first draft was revamping the middle section and choosing only four major locations to represent; making a dotted line before the fourth section to suggest that it is a sub-section of the third; aligning the bottom boxes with the grid; changing all subtitle font to be exactly the same for minimal variation, and anchoring the pictographs in the fourth section with little captions at the bottom.

What I still need help with is how to represent the information in section two in a way that is not graphic. This is because I don’t have exact data for “1970” and “Today” or “Denmark and Canada”, so I should just find a different way to show the same thing. Suggestions are welcome!

The main feedback I got from friends was about

Showing exact numbers and statistics whenever possible like I just mentioned. This is more difficult because there was a lack of exact numbers in my source material, because the researcher often said things like “double the chance than in the USA” and things like that that are a bit abstract, so that is hard to do. But I that is why I should just avoid showing them graphically at all.

-I was told my bolded text still didn’t really stand out. Do you guys think this is a big problem?

-I was told that the last section is redundant. Any advice on how I can anchor the images without being too repetitive?

-Most advice was about grammar/wording issues and transitions in my writing. I definitely didn’t write it as nicely as the author when trying to paraphrase! I will definitely go through all of the text again to make it sound better.

-Didn’t get any complaints about flow which was good!

3 Replies to “Natashia Project 1: Draft 2 Feedback”

  1. If your goal in bolding the text was to show the main points, than I would make some of the statements bigger so that they really stand out. However, it looks like some questions are bolded too. If you want to separate and organize it more, then I would focus on making the questions bigger. It really depends on what you were trying to do with accentuating some of the text.

    Like

    1. When I first look at the map with the blue and red stars, I feel like it would be good to know what they represent and what the colors represent so maybe clarify that in some sort of key or label? I also feel like the points that you tried to make bold did not stand out as much as I’m sure you wanted them to. Maybe make the font size a little bit bigger on those words or do something to really make them pop out?

      Like

  2. With the graphs, I don’t think you necessarily need statistics as from reading your project you are focusing more on the general causes more than the numerical affects of the project. I liked the lack of numbers as it gave the article a more literary feel and was less scientific, giving a different perspective on the topic.

    I also believe if you are trying to highlight key points of information by putting phrases in bold, then the bold sections should stand out more. I also noticed that both questions and key points are in bold, so I would figure out a way to format the difference between the key points and questions.

    Like

Leave a reply to Amanda Cancel reply

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started